Stream Of Consciousness
By
Jeremy Linnell
Gary: I just saw
an advert for someone wanting to buy a baby. I didn’t know you could do that. I
mean I know you could see people but babies? They’re too small to do anything!
They just eat, and wee and poo. If you’re buying something surely you want it
to do something, right? And those tiny hands wouldn’t get much work done. Seems
like a poor investment to me. Not that I’m
a stranger to poor investments. Seem to make them all the time. I don’t know if
it’s because I’m bad with money or money is bad with me. That doesn’t really
make sense does it? No I suppose not. But it’s one of those sayings, isn’t it?
When you think about it lots of sayings don’t make much sense. Idioms in
general are weird. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Not if you own
the bush! Then you have three birds. Talking of birds my brother, he owned this
parrot, that thing would not shut up. Although, it turns out, the thing about
them talking is a total lie. They more…squark in ways that happen to sound like
words. They imitate. Don’t really understand what they’re saying. But then
couldn’t the same be said of most people. Politicians especially. Ha! Election
coming up. Not sure who I’ll vote for. Well that’s a lie. Green. Obviously. I
mean I know they say it’s a rested vote but I used to literally waste my vote
so if I’m honest it seems like a step up.
I don’t think much will change though, I’m not naïve like that. Nothing
ever changes. Learned that a long time ago. Every day’s the same. Sure the
little details change, do I have tea or coffee, what do I wear. But really. It’s
the same. Life, by its nature is repetitive. Boring even. That’s why we drink.
Or do drugs. Something to make the days seem more different, more exciting than
they are. But they can’t be that exciting, can they? I mean I don’t think our
brains would take it. We like routine. Well I do. I like knowing where I’m
coming from and where I’m going. Which is ironic because really, I still haven’t
quite figured that out. Has anyone really? Have you. No I didn’t think so. It’s
hard because, despite the repetition, the routine, things CAN just happen. Car
crashes. Breakups. Sudden pregnancy. I guess that’s why that person wanted to
buy a baby. At least then you know which one you’re getting. And that it’s
definitely not yours. No paranoia then. Then no distrust. Not that I don’t
trust people. Actually that’s a lie. I don’t trust anyone. Not even myself. Can
you imagine me with a child? I mean you’ve only just met me. Do you think I say
“I mean” a lot? Someone said I did once. They were drunk though, and not very
happy with me. So they might have just being mean. But the thing about being
mean is it only really works if it’s a little bit true, don’t you think?
Otherwise it’s not mean. It’s just stupid. Cruelty can only really come from
insight. My ex was pretty good that. Knew me better than anyone, like I knew
her. Suppose that’s why our fights got so bad in the end. We’d spent years learning where the chinks in each
other’s armour was. Is that an idiom, you know, like we were talking about
earlier? That one makes sense though. Although, serious, I saw someone get
offended because they didn’t know that chink in the armour was a thing. Thought
I was being racist. I wasn’t though. It is a saying. I guess maybe sayings only
don’t make sense when you don’t understand them. And some words do sound a bit
racist. Like niggardly. Which means cheap, or mean. Although, does it mean that
because of the words association? Maybe it is racists. I don’t know. I haven’t
really looked in to it.
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